Sounds Fake But Okay is a friendly exploration of the “rules” of romance, sexuality and dating, and what society might be like if those “rules” were broken. It is written by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca, the hosts of the podcast of the same name.
The podcast initially started as an offshoot of the two hosts’ attempts to make sense of dating, romance and sexuality, and (for one host) figure themselves out along the way. In the book, having had time and space to make sense of the world (and make ~300 podcast episodes) the authors are now encouraging people of all orientations to try asking the kind of questions that they ask each other. Their aim here is to show that most of the rules humans have about dating, romance, and partnership – and even wider topics like families and gender – are not unchangeable requirements of life but are instead patterns and habits that societies have collectively locked themselves into.
This process of setting the defaults aside and asking questions about the rules of romance/dating/society is phrased as putting on the “purple aspec glasses”, an analogy which to me effectively conveys the authors’ aim of encouraging readers to explore in a controllable, temporary, non-binding way. (Note: “aspec” is an existing slang term for the “asexual spectrum“; the range of different orientations under the wider umbrella of asexuality). The authors make clear that they are not using the book to say “one way of living in the world is right and another way is wrong” but instead to say “any way you choose to live is good, as long as you’re consciously thinking about and choosing it for yourself”, a standpoint that I greatly respect.
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